Role Reversal

Dear Charlotte,

Today is the day I became you and you became me.  The past year has been an amazing uphill journey.  We've opened ourselves up to each other in a way I can't even begin to describe.  We've trusted each other and allowed ourselves to learn from each other.  We both learned we are capable of things we never thought imaginable.  We continue to push each other especially when we think we can take no more.  We go to bed every night exhausted both physically and mentally but yet we wake up every morning ready to start again.  As your mother, I am so honored to be able to open a world to you that I never thought was open to you.  Today you start a new journey - middle school - new school, new teacher, new friends.  We spent the last year asking everyone to educate themselves on Rett Syndrome and to take a leap of faith in you and us. And today it begins.  What a leap!  We've spent the past few days talking a lot about the changes ahead and what to expect.  You quite eloquently told me with your Tobii that you were both excited and scared. How "typically" appropriate.  Last year this time, I had no clue that you were even aware of your surroundings and if you even really knew who I was.  My heart is so full of so many emotions.  So after everyone left this morning,  Abby and Jonathan off to high school and Dad off to work, you and I got to get ready together.  I could hardly believe that everything we were advocating for was about to come true.  I became scared that I had made a terrible mistake.  How could I send you to somewhere new, where you knew no one and no one knew much about you.  Worse yet, you wouldn't even be able to tell them what you want or what you were feeling.  I had all these feelings trapped inside of me this morning  - all these thoughts of worry, excitement and angst but I couldn't tell you.  I know you know this feeling.  Then when we finished breakfast and got your backpack ready, you began to squeal with excitement and kept smiling at me - reassuring me that you were ready and excited.  You marched right out to the bus, strangers and all and got on and greeted everyone with a smile.  The bus rode off and I sobbed - I felt so trapped and unable and unwilling to share my worries with you today but yet you were the one reassuring me that everything was going to be okay.  When I dropped your supplies off at school, while you were off at P.E., your teacher told me that when you got there, she put your glasses on and you gave her a great big smile.  You're awesome and braver than anyone I have ever met - you're my hero, Charlotte Bryman.  Thank you for never giving up ever and helping us let others know that sometimes just acknowledging each other is enough - look where it has gotten you!

I can't wait to hear about your day.

Xoxo,
Mom